Bittersweet Life...

Thursday, October 13, 2005

i juz dun understand the parents. esp the mom.

she wants to noe stuff abt the latest news abt sch. fine. i told her. i told her juz yesterday. and, yet, she forgot abt it this evening... argh. im pissed.

all they want is juz for me to pass and get good grades for my studies... but never wanna consider how difficult the shit tt im studyin abt. i dunno if they even tried to understand wat my course is all abt. i think it's all faked interest when i told her abt gems. abt how i cant graduate if u cant get my gems over and done with. so much being a mom. ugh.

ok. so she decided to listen again. oh.. 'goodie' but when she gave her opinions, it's all so bland and not much of a help.... y cant she make herself understand? she scolded me for not sittin down and talkin abt when she's not bz. huh? when was she bz? i told abt the shit in the car... wooo.. tt's bz. juz sittin down is bz. bullcrap. and when can i find the time to make her and dad sit down and talk thoroughly abt this... i can find the time, but can they? dad always ignorin me to the best he can. mom always bz with housework and pushed me away by sayin tt watever i wanna talked to her abt is not impt, so later will do.

i soo wanna grow up.... i wanna ignore all these scoldings and naggin. but it hurts. no one under this roof understand how i feel. or wat im goin thru. or how scared i am abt the results.

im really scared abt the results. i dunno wat ill do if i can make it to the next sem... i felt tt screwed the exams.... maybe this course is not for me. too late to realise it now? i dunno... i juz cant grasp certain modules... and my clique aint helpin me... at all.

i wanna go sch. i miss sch. i miss sec sch. sec sch is where i have ppl ard me... where we go thru shit together. where we laugh it all away and helped each other to get over bitter memories. i've yet to find tt kind of frens in poly. or maybe, ill never find ppl like the table ppl and 4g classmates.

i hate my life now. rite this moment. it's like reliving those horrible pri sch days... where im lonely and ppl will onli find me when they need me.

i need someone. anyone of u out there. give me a call. give me a hug.
i need you.

Smashed into pieces at 10/13/2005 07:27:00 PM